My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #947

In The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #947 from the issue of June 9, 2025, a fish is caught by an angler's hook and is pulled out of the water. The fisherman prepares to lower it into a net as the fish either takes a selfie with the man in the boat or looks at its phone. The fish speaks, naturally. My entry appears below. The drawing is by Kaamran Hafeez.

"Teach a man to order online and he'll never have to fish."

These captions wouldn't float:

"Say 'worm.'"
"Toss me back and I'll tag you."
"Before you do anything rash, I have five million followers and we're livestreaming."

June 21, 2025 Update:  The Finalists

June 23, 2025 Update:  I dipped my toes in and voted for the caption from Dedham.

July 2, 2026 Update:  The Winner

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #927

The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #927 from the double issue of December 30, 2024 & January 6, 2025, is set in a corporate office inhabited by two businessmen—and four seagulls. Two of the seagulls are perched on the men's respective balding heads. The standing, more subordinate executive speaks. The drawing is by Kaamran Hafeez.

"And yet, the environmentalists still hate us."

 

January 19, 2025 Update:  The Finalists

January 24, 2025 Update:  I used my head and voted for the caption from Minneapolis.

February 1, 2025 Update:  The Winner

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #897

A man takes his piggy bank for a walk in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #897 from the issue of May 20, 2024. A neighbor comments. My caption is shown below. The drawing is by Kaamran Hafeez.

"So money does walk."

These captions couldn't keep up.

"I hear he no longer keeps it all in his mattress."
"He leaves his wallet at home."
"Every day he brings home the bacon."
"Let's see him try to do that with bitcoin."
"He's my landlord but I don't pay him directly."
"He's always out of step with the market."
"Don't be fooled into offering it a treat."
"They say he's well off, but he never spends anything."
"I see why he had to fire all the previous walkers."
"No wonder he ignores his family."
"He's not at all concerned about interest rates."

June 2, 2024 Update:  The Finalists

June 9, 2024 Update:  I voted for the caption from South Duxbury.

June 15, 2024 Update:  The Winner

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #851

I completely lost my way in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #851 from the issue of May 29, 2023. My caption, in iambic pentameter, is shown below. The drawing is by Kaamran Hafeez.

"It seems you're not the subject after all."

These captions didn't meet scientific rigor:

"Could you at least give me a hint?"
"There have been some unforeseen developments."
"I'd like to leave the study."
"Which way to the bathroom?"
"Well, did you bring a stopwatch?"
"This was not my original hypothesis."
"Apparently, they've changed the study protocol."
"I've been demoted."
"When did YOU take over the study?"
"What happened to all the paintings?"
"NOW do you think I have empathy?"

June 10, 2023 Update:  The Finalists

 

June 12, 2023 Update:  I voted with Burlington.

June 25, 2023 Update:  The Winner

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #808

I must have taken a wrong turn on my way to The New Yorker  Cartoon Caption Contest #808 from the issue of June 27, 2022. My caption is shown below. The drawing is by Kaamran Hafeez.

"We missed Roswell because he won't ask directions."

These captions wouldn't fly:

"How many does yours sleep?"
"How many can you abduct?"
"By the time we arrived at the spaceport, this was all they had."
"No one on earth seems to notice."
"We have the most abductees."
"We can do the medical experiments on board."
"At least the Air Force isn't looking for US."
"You never could blend in."

July 9, 2022 Update:  The Finalists

July 22, 2022 Update:  I voted for the caption from Issaquah.

July 25, 2022 Update:  The Winner

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The CartoonStock Caption Contest #154

In a new disappointment, the CartoonStock Caption Contest #154 seems to have ended prematurely, an example of the brand's all-too-frequent carelessness. A new contest, now with a thousand dollar prize, is announced for June 7, an unprecedented reward but also an unprecedented delay. My last-minute entries planned for this month never got polished or submitted; only two of my anticipated three entries are shown below. The drawing is by Kaamran Hafeez.

"No, I've never fixed one of these. Before the apocalypse, I worked for Maytag."
"I heard you were having some trouble with it, so I brought over my tool."

June 23, 2022 Update:  The Winner

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #797

This week, my entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #797 from the issue of April 4, 2022, was not exactly dressed in shining armor. The drawing is by Kaamran Hafeez.

"Ask around discretely if anyone's seen a codpiece."

These captions were just too classy:

"I said, 'Oil can.'"
"Well, someone here must have WD-40."
"Would you start over? I'm feeling a bit rusty."
"Tell marketing I'm prepared to throw down the gauntlet."
"To the death then, or at the very least till Friday."

April 17, 2022 Update:  The Finalists

April 18, 2022 Update:  I voted for the caption from Sydney, mate.

May 6, 2022 Update:  The Winner

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The CartoonStock Caption Contest #151

You might think having a four-week contest would have helped me to write entries for the CartoonStock Caption Contest #151. My three captions, shown below, prove that did not happen. The drawing is by Kaamran Hafeez.

"Would you like to be my life coach?"
"What does the weather app say?"
"You're lucky. I could never text and walk."

April 27, 2022 Update:  The Winner

May 28, 2022 Update:  The runners-up have been revised, apparently. What gives, CartoonStock?

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #769

I couldn't quite sink my teeth into The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #769 from the issue of August 30, 2021. My bookish caption is shown below. The drawing is by Kaamran Hafeez.

"Folks had better think twice about shoplifting."

September 6, 2021 Update:  The Finalists

September 17, 2021 Update:  I voted for the caption from Tucson.

September 20, 2021 Update:  The Winner

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The Cartoon Collections Caption Contest #94

The Cartoon Collections Caption Contest #94 presents us with a dog at an information window. This week there is no question as to who is speaking. My entries are below. The drawing is by Kaamran Hafeez.

"Do you have a squirrel department?"
"Who can give me a belly rub?"
"Do you need a floorwalker?"
"You'll have to walk me through this."
"Treats?"

October 8, 2020 Update:  The Winner

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The Cartoon Collections Caption Contest #90

For its 90th contest, Cartoon Collections continues its recent practice of explaining the caption contest cartoon scenario while abandoning its former practice of proofreading: "This week’s cartoon of a business floating in a duck pond comes from Kaamran Haffeez." A business? No one is going to believe that—I'd better include a screen shot.

Sure, I suppose I could have Photoshopped this, but I don't know how to do that and why would I want to anyway? Another thing I don't know how to do is get into the top three of the caption contest. Here are my six entries, which should either double my chances or disqualify me altogether.

"They've finally developed their own decoy."
"Don't be silly. Everyone needs a lawyer."
"Is it rush hour already?"
"I don't see any harm if we aim for the tube."
"It's a good strategy. Let the ducks imprint on him."
"Professionals are ruining the sport."

September 10, 2020 Update:  Oh, the image's jpeg file is labeled Duck-Blind. And the winning caption is...

Quick Links to the Attempted Bloggery Archives:

Kaamran Hafeez

Ducks

The Cartoon Collections Caption Contest

The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest

The Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest

All the Collected Cartoon Caption Contests

Attempted Bloggery's Just Ducky Index

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The Cartoon Collections Caption Contest #86

"Clown Boss" is the filename of the image for Cartoon Collections Caption Contest #86. The drawing is by Kaamran Hafeez.

"Lately you haven't been laughing."
"Waffles, Bobo, Zing, Banjo, Sudsy, Juju, Tumbles, and Atta Boy have dropped out of the car pool."
"Miss Forbes, bring me a banana peel."

August 12, 2020 Update:  The Winner

Quick Links to the Attempted Bloggery Archives:

Kaamran Hafeez

Clowns

The Cartoon Collections Caption Contest

The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest

The Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest

All the Collected Cartoon Caption Contests

Attempted Bloggery's Serious Index

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #707

Lighten your load with my entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #707 for April 27, 2020. The drawing is by Kaamran Hafeez.

"I'm having lunch with Sisyphus."

These captions weren't worldly enough:

"For once my shoulders aren't killing me."
"Do I tell you not to drop your coffee?"
"Get the door, dammit!"
"It's all I can do until the gyms reopen."
"I forgot the Advil."

May 4, 2020 Update:  The Finalists

May 11, 2020 Update:  I voted with Grand Haven.

May 18, 2018 Update:  The Winner

Note:  In last week's Caption Contest, cartoonist Ellis Rosen took us on safari to see subway cars in the wild. My caption came from the wrong side of the tracks. Go take a ride on Contest #706 and see where it takes you.

Quick Links to the Attempted Bloggery Archives

Kaamran Hafeez

Atlas

The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest

The Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest

The Cartoon Collections Caption Contest

All the Above Cartoon Caption Contests and More

Attempted Bloggery's Index Shrugged

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #700

Take a dose of my entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #700 for March 9, 2020. The drawing is by Kaamran Hafeez.

"Your insurance doesn't cover mythological conditions."

These captions I'm even less proud of:

"I'm afraid I can only fill half your prescription."
"Your insurance only covers half."
"How do I know your condition is preexisting?"
"Do you think you can swallow these horse pills?"
"Do you prefer horse pills or horse suppositories?"
"These will have you prancing about in no time."
"Should I call your doctor or your veterinarian?"

March 16, 2020 Update:  The Finalists

March 23, 2020 Update:  I voted with Brooklyn.


March 30, 2020 Update:  The Winner

Note:  In last week's Caption Contest, cartoonist Benjamin Schwartz gave us a psychoanalyst seeing patients stacked triple decker. Unfortunately, my caption lacked triple insight. Still, maybe you'll find the answers to life's questions in Contest #699.

Quick Links to the Attempted Bloggery Archives

Kaamran Hafeez

Centaurs

The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest

The Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest

The Cartoon Collections Caption Contest

All the Above Cartoon Caption Contests and Even a Bit More

Attempted Bloggery's Index Straight Out of Bullfinch

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #621

Try on my entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #621 for June 25, 2018. The drawing is by Kaamran Hafeez.

"I'd say you're ready for anything the Mueller team can throw at you."

This caption just wasn't a good fit:

"I trust you can still get to your wallet."

July 2, 2018 Update: The Finalists

July 16, 2018 Update:  I voted for the first caption.


July 23, 2018 Update: Winning Caption

Note:  Last week cartoonist Drew Dernavich was at his most angelic. My caption was more demonic. Take aim at Contest #620.

Suit up! Take the measure of my previous posts about Kaamran Hafeez.

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