My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Fall 2026

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Fall 2026 issue shows us a young man being served a hugely oversized meat sandwich by a waiter in a delicatessen. The customer is the speaker. The drawing is by cartoonist Benjamin Schwartz. My two submitted captions appear below. When there's so much food, one has to show some restraint.

"Dayenu."
"I distinctly said footlong."

Dayenu translates as "It would have been enough."

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The CartoonStock Caption Contest No. 211

The CartoonStock Caption Contest number 211 brings us to a restaurant table at which a couple is seated, surrounded by hellfire. The waiter, a devil, is taking the couple's order and it is he who speaks. The cartoonist is Isabella Bannerman.

The monthly cash prize contest has fairly new rules which I seem compelled to repeat until this cartoon's setting freezes over: Five dollars will buy up to three entries as it always has, but now three additional dollars can be used to optionally purchase a fourth entry, and so on and so forth. Real cash prizes are fifty percent of the total prize pool (usually in the ballpark of $500) for first place and ten percent of the prize pool (typically about $100) for each of five runners up. As of this writing, I've put $280 into the first fifty-six pay-to-play contests and this fifty-seventh challenge brings my total cash outlay up to $285. So far I haven't purchased any of the new $3 entries, but this month I'm starting to feel, shall we say, some temptation.

Anyway, having achieved runner-up status with three previous cash prize entries, I've collected $300 from CartoonStock, so I'm still nominally playing with the house's money, at least for the time being. Because the contest is no longer subsidized by the treasury of CartoonStock, the contest's odds might now be just a little less favorable, or possibly more favorable if the $3 entries are being purchased in bulk by the caption-impaired. The prize pool, as I prepared my captions in the 10:00 hour just before the deadline, was at the highest level so far:

Here then is another chance to save my captioning soul. My three entries are shown below, above the break:

"If you ask me, it's all to die for."
"Everything here is good—just not literally."
"We don't have wings."
* * *
"Don't ask for medium rare."
"May I suggest marshmallows on a stick."
"What would you be willing to sell for all eternity in exchange for table settings?"
"The appetizers alone are worth your eternal souls."
"Oh, I see what you mean. I should have said 'spicy.'"
"Everything comes with Fra Diavolo sauce."

October 17, 2026 Update:  The total prize pool for this contest confirms that I was one of the last to enter.

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1009

In The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1009 from the issue of October 12, 2026, a man sits in an airplane cabin between two pandas while a flight attendant makes an announcement. The drawing is by Amanda Chung, who is new to this contest and new to the blog.

"We reserve the middle seat for emotional support humans."

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1008

In The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1008 from the issue of October 5, 2026, Mr. Met stands in a sports bar and discusses the baseball postseason with a fan. The drawing is by Paul Noth.

"All this hitting has ruined the game."

This caption I'm saving for Old Timers' Day:

"Big deal. Where were they in 1969?"

October 17, 2026 Update:  The Finalists

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1007

In The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1007 from the issue of September 28, 2026, a pig sits on stage singing and playing guitar in front of an audience that is a pack of wolves. My submission is shown below. The drawing is by Kate Isenberg.

"Have we all taken our Ozempic?"

These captions were a little off-key:

"Dinner is now being served out in the lobby."
"My next song is about becoming a vegan."
"This next song was requested by the deer in the back."
"My next number is 'The Song That Doesn't End.'"

October 10, 2026 Update:  The Finalists

October 17, 2026 Update:  I voted for the caption from Toronto.

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1006

In The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1006 from the issue of September 21, 2026, a psychotherapist is talking to his patient as Godzilla appears at the office window. My submission is shown below. The drawing is by Meredith Southard.

"Why do you always see yourself as the victim?"

These captions didn't make the final cut:

"What sort of film keeps you awake at night?"
"The thousand dollars an hour includes special effects."

October 4, 2026 Update:  The Finalists

October 10, 2026 Update:  I voted for the caption from Natick.

October 17, 2026 Update:  The Winner

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The CartoonStock Cartoon Caption Contest No. 210

What's up with the CartoonStock Caption Contest number 210? It features a girl talking to a firefighter while an elephant sits in a tree. That's what's up. The cartoonist is Rusty Epstein. He's new to the contest and new to the blog.

The monthly cash prize contest has new rules which I seem compelled to repeat: Five dollars will still buy up to three entries but now three additional dollars can optionally buy a fourth entry, and so on and so forth. Real cash prizes are fifty percent of the total prize pool (previously $500 was the fifty percent) for first place and ten percent of the prize pool (previously $100) for each of five runners up. As of this writing, I've put $275 into the first fifty-five pay-to-play contests and this fifty-sixth challenge brings my total cash outlay up to $280. So far I haven't purchased any of the new $3 entries. Having achieved runner-up status with three previous cash prize entries, I've collected $300 from CartoonStock, so I'm still playing with the house's money, at least for the time being. Because the contest is no longer subsidized by cash from the vast coffers of CartoonStock, the contest's odds should now be just a little less favorable, I think, unless $3 entries are being purchased in bulk by the caption-impaired. The prize pool, as I prepared my captions in the 9:00 hour before the deadline, was already pushing up against that old thousand dollar level.

So here is my big chance to redeem myself after last month's weak showing. My three entries are shown below.

"Could you check under him for the cat?"
"Guess what happened to the swing."
"The one thing he can't remember is how he got up there."

September 27, 2026 Update:  The Winner

None of my captions made any of the lists in the judging video.

The Judges Deliberate

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1005

In The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1005 from the issue of September 14, 2026, a couple who just got married has stopped to fill up the tank. The groom has just finished pumping gas. The pump indicates a price of $65.29. The woman angrily holds up a credit cared and speaks. My submission is shown below. The drawing is by Brooke Bourgeois.

"I can't exactly keep it where yours would be if you hadn't left it home."

None of the following captions were exactly a match made in heaven:

"You never told me we'd be running on empty."
"Now you tell me you're a credit risk?"
"Hasn't Daddy paid for enough?"
"What happened to the 'for richer' part?"

September 27, 2026 Update:  The Finalists

October 4, 2026 Update:  I voted for the caption from San Diego.

October 10, 2026 Update:  The Winner

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1004

In The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1004 from the issue of September 7, 2026, a woman carries drinks to a seated man while her dog brings him a chessboard set up for play. The woman speaks. My submission is shown below. The drawing is by Mort Gerberg.

"I should warn you he doesn't like sore losers."

These captions weren't grandmaster moves:

"He plays for $100 a game. Here, have a drink."
"Oh, no. He just likes to fetch the pieces."

September 19, 2026 Update:  The Finalists

September 27, 2026 Update:  I voted for the caption from Tokyo.

October 4, 2026 Update:  The Winner

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1003

In The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1003 from the issue of August 24 & 31, 2026, a couple at a black tie event observe a popsicle who is attending as well, drink in hand, melting. The man speaks. My submission is shown below. The drawing is by Elisabeth McNair.

"He could at least wear a towel."

These captions ended up all over the place:

"He can't handle the social pressure."
"Would it kill him to wear pants?"
"Damn global warming."

September 7, 2026 Update:  The Finalists

September 19, 2026 Update:  I voted for the caption from West Hollywood.

September 27, 2026 Update:  The Winner

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The CartoonStock Cartoon Caption Contest No. 209

Another monthly contest already? The CartoonStock Caption Contest number 209 is set in a laboratory where an ape is perhaps doomscrolling on his cell phone while a pair of researchers looks on. The man in the lab coat is speaking. The cartoonist is Kaamran Hafeez. 

The monthly cash prize contest has new rules which I seem compelled to repeat: Five dollars will still buy up to three entries but now three additional dollars can optionally buy a fourth entry, and so on and so forth. Real cash prizes are fifty percent of the total prize pool (previously $500, but more this month) for first place and ten percent of the prize pool (previously $100) for each of five runners up. As of this writing, I've put $270 into the first fifty-four pay-to-play contests and this fifty-fifth challenge brings my total cash outlay up to $275. Having achieved runner-up status with three previous cash prize entries, I've collected $300 from CartoonStock, so I'm still playing with the house's money, at least for the time being. Because the contest is no longer subsidized by cash from the vast coffers of CartoonStock, the contest's odds should now be just a little less favorable, I think. The prize pool, as I prepared my captions in the final hour before the deadline—when else would I enter?—was, as I've already hinted, securely above that old thousand dollar level.

So here is my big chance to redeem myself after last month's poor showing. My three entries are shown above the break. There is a fourth caption which is somewhat meta. I considered paying another $3 to put it out there, but then I thought better of it.

"As our new lab assistant, it will be your job to take it away from him."
"We can't get him off Truth Social."
"Frankly, we have no idea what Caesar is up to."
* * *
"I wish he had joined that barbershop quartet instead."

I'm afraid that last caption doesn't stand on its own. It should be an easily-recognized reference to The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1002 which had its deadline on Monday night. If you know, you know. I saved my $3 because he's an ape, not a monkey.

August 26, 2026 Update:  The Winner

The Judges Deliberate

My captions made no one's list.

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1002

In The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1002 from the issue of August 17, 2026, four monkeys sing in a barbershop quartet while two laboratory workers observe them through glass. The older woman speaks. My submission is shown below. The drawing is by Benjamin Schwartz.

"So you found them at the bottom of the barrel?"

These captions were not in tune:

"They're swell. You and I are no longer in harmony."
"Run your next project by me first."
"Great job. We've been defunded."

September 3, 2026 Update:  The Finalists

September 7, 2026 Update:  I voted for the caption from Atlanta.

September 19, 2026 Update:  The Winner

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1001

In The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #1001 from the issue of August 10, 2026, four snails sit around a campfire at night. One holds a flashlight to his horrified face and speaks. My submission is shown below. The drawing is by Lynn Hsu.

"With horror I realized I had wandered into a convention of French chefs."

These captions were too scary even for me:

"His white whale was a blonde ale."
"It was then that I realized I couldn't outrun the man with the saltshaker."
"When I arrived in Margaritaville, my nemesis was searching for his lost shaker of salt."

August 26, 2026 Update: The Finalists

September 3, 2026 Update:  I voted for the caption from beautiful downtown Burbank.

September 7, 2026 Update:  The Winner

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