My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Summer 2026

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Summer 2026 double issue shows us God speaking to Moses at the top of Mount Sinai—I mean Rushmore. God, perched in a cloud, is the speaker. The drawing is by cartoonist Benjamin Schwartz. My captions appear below.

"That settles it. We should ban graven images."
"See what I mean? What we need is better marketing."
"At this altitude, on a clear day they can see forever."
"Not My best work? This isn't My work at all."
"At least they're an improvement over the golden calf."
"Now lead the Israelites north by northwest."

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Spring 2026

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Spring 2026 issue shows a man reading from the Torah at a Jewish religious service. In place of the traditional pointer, he is using a foam finger. The drawing is by cartoonist and sports fan Benjamin Schwartz. The reader speaks. My captions appear below.

"I'll be quick. They need me at the game."
"I can't see a thing with these glasses."
"Do I look like some kind of silversmith?"
"I'm telling you I looked everywhere."
"It's probably in the back of some drawer."
"I brought a different one for each aliyah."

July 4, 2026 Update:  The Finalists

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Winter 2026

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Winter 2026 issue anticipates spring. One elderly, Orthodox man's shtreimel has a bird's nest up top and a younger man wearing a similar hat comments. According to the good folks at Wikipedia, a shtreimel "is a fur hat worn by some Ashkenazi Jewish men, mainly members of Hasidic Judaism, on Shabbat and Jewish holidays and other festive occasions." The drawing is by cartoonist Benjamin Schwartz, a keen observer of people, hats, and nature. My captions appear below.

"Shmuel, your shtreimel shows it to be shpring."
"Humane, yes, but it doesn't count as a mitzvah."
"Where can I get some feygl for MY shtreimel, Feivel?"
"We never use the hat check but if we do we leave a tip."

A mitzvah is a commandment, but commonly it's used to mean a good deed. Feygl, in Yiddish, are birds. No Orthodox man would ever check his hat. What was I thinking?

March 24, 2026 Update:  The Finalists

July 4, 2026 Update:  The Winner

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for the Summer Double Issue 2025

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Summer 2025 double issue shows two robots at home in a futuristic setting. One reads a copy of Moment magazine. The other speaks. My entries are shown below. The drawing is by that technological whiz, Benjamin Schwartz.

"The captions are so much funnier in binary."
"How close are we to peace in the Middle East?"
"What is their stand on bot mitzvahs?"
"It's because of readers like you that we're going to lose the tree."
"Jews and captioners open it from the right."

A particularly intriguing caption turned up among the entries:

September 14, 2025 Update:  The Finalists

November 15, 2025 Update:  The Winner

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Spring 2025

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Spring 2025 issue shows an elderly woman and man sitting on a park bench. The woman prepares to eat a sandwich. The man, oblivious, is feeding a bird. Cupid hovers above the woman, arrow drawn. The woman observes him and speaks. My six entries are shown below; I think the first is the best. The drawing is by that old-time romantic, Benjamin Schwartz.

"Matchmaker, matchmaker, just let me snack."
"What do you mean, a match for the ages?"
"I left my heart in Coney Island."

"I'll take my sandwich over your shidduch."
"Golda Meir always said you'd find me."
"You don't want to mess with this bubbie."

June 14, 2025 Update:  The Finalists

September 14, 2025 Update:  The Winner

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for January/February 2025

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the January/February 2025 issue shows two dogs out for a walk. One dog has a Jewish star hanging from its collar and the other dog speaks. My two entries are shown below. The drawing is by dog lover Benjamin Schwartz.

“You’re lucky. Mine just says I don’t have rabies.”

"Would you ever date a German shepherd?"

March 29, 2025 Update:  The Finalists

June 14, 2025 Update:  The Winner--but not for the Spring issue.

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My Entry in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for November/December 2024

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the November/December 2024 issue brings us to the seasonal activity of snow tubing, specifically with a tube that looks distinctly like a sesame bagel. My lone submission is shown below. The drawing is by Benjamin Schwartz, a sportsman for all seasons.

“Next time I’m taking the bialy.”

January 21, 2025 Update:  The Finalists

March 29, 2025 Update:  The Winner

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Fall 2024

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Fall 2024 issue brings us to the day of the emotional college dropoff. The parents are leaving their son with a menorah. My submissions are shown below. The drawing is by former college boy Benjamin Schwartz.

"Guess what we found in the bookstore?"
"It's always been a babe magnet and you're living proof."
"Just set it in any window that's bulletproof."
"It might come in handy in these dark times."

December 7, 2024 Update:  The Finalists

January 21, 2025 Update:  The Winner

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Summer 2024

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Summer 2024 double issue brings together the old and the new generations in a backyard swimming pool setting. My fourteen captions—I'm not known for my self control—are shown below. The drawing is by Benjamin Schwartz, a mensch.

"They're from Ancestry.com."
"The shtetl claims you owe back taxes."
"They just made it here from Anatevka."
"Do we have any kopeks?"
"I found your birth parents."
"You're gonna need a bigger float."
"Can they stay until Tashlich?"
"It's finally happened—our past has caught up with us."
"So how do you like their canned slivovitz?"
"You're not impressing them with our suffering."
"They assert a rightful claim to your grandmother's samovar."
"Forget the barbecue. We'll all have boiled chicken."
"They need our help assimilating."
"Why do they keep chanting l'dor vador?"

October 19, 2024 Update:  The Finalists

December 7, 2024 Update:  The Winner

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Spring 2024

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Spring 2024 issue depicts an obese pharaoh of ancient Egypt visiting the doctor's office. My four captions are shown below, the last being a rewrite of the first. I think the third is the best. The drawing is by Benjamin Schwartz.

“You’ll have to fix your food pyramid.”
"Spend more time walking like an Egyptian."
"I never thought YOU would overindulge in matzo."
"Rebuild that food pyramid."

August 3, 2024 Update:  The Finalists

October 19, 2024 Update:  The Winner

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Winter 2024

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Winter 2024 issue depicts a figure skater who has just carved a star of David into the ice. My captions are shown below. The drawing is by Benjamin Schwartz. 

"Well, I give you a 10."
"It's very nice, but let's see you daven."
"No way that was a triple Axel."
"There's not a chance of making Google Earth."
"Now let's drive away with the Zamboni."

May 18, 2024 Update:  The Finalists

August 3, 2024 Update:  The Winner (which I voted for)

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for November/December 2023

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the November/December 2023 issue depicts an Orthodox Jewish man preparing to carve a turkey with the aid of an unusual cutting implement. My six submitted captions are shown below. The drawing is by Benjamin Schwartz.

"Can anyone come up with a blessing for this?"
"Sorry, but the carving knife is on backorder."
"Is anybody here in a hurry?"
"Why is everybody so snippy?"
"Does anyone see a dotted line?"
"Usually I work smaller."

January 17, 2024 Update:  The Finalists

May 18, 2024 Update:  The Winner

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Fall 2023

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Fall 2023 issue depicts an older Orthodox Jewish man reading the Torah on the subway. The woman sitting next to him is speaking. My seven submitted captions are shown below. The drawing is by Benjamin Schwartz.

"Again, you're menschspreading."
"Isn't that out yet in paperpack?"
"Check if there's a law against what you're doing."
"Then your subway map must be in what you call the aron kodesh."
"Here we prefer doomscrolling."
"If I chant Etz Chaim, will you put that away?"
"May I offer you something with vowels?"

November 24, 2023 Update:  The Finalists

January 17, 2024 Update:  The Winner

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Summer 2023

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Summer 2023 issue has three older Orthodox Jewish men exploring AIChat, presumably a stand-in for ChatGPT, on a desktop computer. My eight captions are shown below. No artificial intelligence was used in the writing of these entries. The drawing is by Benjamin Schwartz.

"Go ahead. Have it ask us anything."

"Get it to write me a funny line."

"I pronounce it meh."

"So where's the Yiddishkeit?"

"I'd trust my own fashion sense over that thing any day."

"Impressive, sure, but I'm still against counting it in our minyan."

"Now I believe you inquire what it's wearing."

"I hear it can scroll."

September 17, 2023 Update:  The Finalists

November 24, 2023 Update:  The Winner

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Spring 2023

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Spring 2023 issue has an observant Jewish genie in a bottle. My captions are shown below. The first is just a throwaway. I feel the second is the best of these. The entry below the divider was not submitted because I didn't like it as much as the others. The drawing of the Aladdin story is by Benjamin Schwartz.

"I can't make anyone fall in love or win a caption contest."
"You never had a mensch like me."
"Don't wish for anything you'll have to atone for."
"Actually, you get just one wish. We don't go with a Trinity."
* * *
"I'm afraid we genies don't know from Bitcoin."

July 14, 2023 Update:  The Finalists

September 17, 2023 Update:  The Winner

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Winter 2023

It's time to cool down with Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Winter 2023 issue. My several captions are shown below for the most part in the order I wrote them. Entries below the divider were submitted the day after the deadline. The drawing of a lost couple is by Benjamin Schwartz.

"And I'm telling you this ISN'T the JCC."
"Say, isn't that our flier from Zabar's?"
"Forty years in the desert and THIS is where you want to retire?"
"It isn't a shortcut if we're lost."
"Remember when you called ME the cutest thing on the beach?"
"Right there. It says formal attire."
"Next time, bring your prescription sunglasses."
"I knew they wouldn't have any iceberg lettuce."
"They already took the best spot."
"What I said was I wanted to swim with dolphins."
* * *
"Now we're going to miss the new issue of Moment."
"They won't all look the same once we get to know them."
"We're not dressed for the occasion or for the weather."
"Doesn't this remind you of Mary Poppins?"
"I don't see how global warming will improve our situation."
"Do you want to be Bert or Mary Poppins?"

April 23, 2023 Update:  The Finalists

July 14, 2023 Update:  The Winner

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for November/December 2022

Chanukah must be upon us, judging from Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the November/December 2022 issue. My several captions are shown below. Note that for captioning purposes I use the more common spelling Hanukkah. The drawing of a dreidel run amuck is by Benjamin Schwartz.

"I made it out of autonomous rotors, inertial sensors, gyroscopic stabilizers, and clay."
"Didn't I say no gifts?"
"From now on, I say we go topless."
"Run for cover—it's a drone dreidel!"
"What if it keeps this up for eight days?"
"And, after all this, if it lands on shin we still have to pay."
"The gimel means gimme shelter."
"I think we may have overdone Hanukkah."
"It's the Festival of Frights!"
"Tell me this isn't scarier than the Grinch."
"I should never have asked for a Transformer for Hanukkah."

February 4, 2023 Update:  The Finalists

April 23, 2023 Update:  The Winner

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for September/October 2022

I'm up in the air over Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for September/ October 2022. My eleven entries are shown below. The high-flying drawing is by Benjamin Schwarz.

"You really splurged on the flight insurance."
"The angels don't know I'm checking up on them."
"Usually I fly El Al."
"The answers to all your questions are behind a paywall at MomentMag.com."
"Richard Dawkins and I don't read each other's books."
"Your bubbie sends her love."
"Since you hate airline food too, let's go out for a nosh."
"Then who DOES get to sit in first class?"
"Don't worry about what to say. I never sneeze."
"It's just some mild turbulence. Why do you pray for divine intervention?"
"You've been slacking on the Commandments."

November 12, 2022 Update:  The Finalists

February 4, 2023 Update:  The Winner

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