The CartoonStock Caption Contest #163

Hulk smash . . . the CartoonStock Caption Contest #163. Let's go over how this new monthly cash prize contest works: $5 buys up to three entries and no more. Real cash prizes are $500 for first place and $100 for each of five runners up. As of this writing, I've spent $40 over the first eight contests and I managed to win $200, making it my most successful investment of the past year. So here goes another $5. I've done well in part because so few people enter. My three new entries are shown below. The full-color drawing of the Hulk at home is by Christopher Weyant.

"Our home repair bills are up another 400 percent."
"He may be puny, but Bruce is better in bed."
"That Mrs. Von Doom snubbed me again. It would be a shame if her Bentley got smashed."

February 20, 2023 Update:  The Winner

"I don't know why I even bother to talk politics with you." 

—Christopher Weyant, original caption

In other news, not one of my captions was selected by any of the four judges:

Caption Contest Deliberations

04223

The CartoonStock Caption Contest #162

It's time to disrupt the CartoonStock Caption Contest #162. To recap, here's how the new cash prize contest works: $5 buys three and only three entries. Real cash prizes are $500 for first place and $100 for each of the five runners up. As of this writing, I've invested $40 over eight contests and I managed to win $100 from one of these outings. So far the math is good for contestants and bad for CartoonStock. Few enough people enter that the odds are favorable even for an indifferent captioner like me. My three new entries are shown below at the top of the list; the lower captions were written by me but, on due consideration, withheld. The drawing of conference room chaos is by John Klossner.

"Were we expecting corporate raiders?"
"Ah! They've finally elected a Speaker."
"We've got to find a better doorman."
* * *
"Can I assume we'll be working through lunch again?"
"I tried to tell them you weren't in."
"Your three o'clock is early."
"They want to cash in their stock options."
"They're not here to negotiate."
"The union is getting militant."

January 22, 2023 Update:  The Winner

https://www.cartoonstock.com/caption-contest/winners

My doorman caption is first mentioned in the contest deliberations by Bob Mankoff during minute 18 and it is chosen as a runner up in minute 31.

Contest #162 Deliberations

Eight-time New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest winner Lawrence Wood had this to say about my entry in his Caption Contest Commentary:

https://www.cartoonstock.com/blog/viking-office-caption-contest-commentary-with-lawrence-wood/

This is my second payout in the new cash prize contest. It's the twenty-first time Larry Wood cited a caption of mine in his commentary.

04195

The CartoonStock Caption Contest #161

There's something magical about the CartoonStock Caption Contest #161. To recap, here's how the contest works: $5 buys you three entries. Real cash prizes are $500 for first place and $100 for each of the five runners up. As of this writing, I've invested $35 in this my seventh pay contest and I managed to win $100 on the previous outing. Odds remain good for now while few people enter. My three new entries are shown below at the top of the list; the lower captions were considered by me but ultimately not entered. The drawing of an onstage rabbit abandoned mid-act in a magician's hat is by Avi Steinberg.

"Did all you federal agents really think you could outsmart the greatest magician of our time?"
"But he promised not to go to Aruba without me!"
"Never mind him. It's a snug hat and you don't want to know where the dove is."
* * *
"I need a volunteer from the audience eager to adopt a performing pet."
"His last words were 'Rabbits make such loving pets.'"

December 21, 2022 Update:  The Winner

January 22, 2023 Update:  The contest deliberations have been posted on YouTube.

Contest #161 Deliberations

04167

The CartoonStock Caption Contest #160

Some might say I'm not fit enough to enter the CartoonStock Caption Contest #160, but all it really takes is a credit card. Here's how the contest works: Three entries cost $5. Real cash prizes are $500 for first place and $100 for each of the five runners up. As of this writing, I've invested $30 in this my sixth contest, with no success whatsoever to report in the first five. My three entries are shown below at the top of the list; the lower captions were considered but not entered. The drawing is unsigned, but I'm going to guess it's by Jeremy Nguyen.

"My housekeeper hates me."
"I don't date."
"Mostly I sleep at my desk."
***
"I can't go to bed drunk."
"I always go to bed sober."
"I avoid fluids after 8."
"I'm looking for a twice-a-day spotter."
"My girlfriend wanted more excitement."
"My housekeepers keep leaving me."
"My housekeeper keeps charging me more."
"In the back, there's a slide."
"My dates have to pass a fitness test."
"I wear sneakers to bed."
"I believe in the reward system."
"I date only Division 1 athletes."
"I'm going to put in an elevator."
"It seemed like a good idea."
"That's just for show. I have a sleeping bag."

November 26, 2022 Update:  The Winner

There is some icing on the cake as well. Eight-time New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest winner Lawrence Wood included all three of my captions in his commentary, a first:

To update the accounting, I am now $70 ahead on this contest so at last I'm playing with the house's money.

04139

The CartoonStock Caption Contest #159

I haven't a clue about the CartoonStock Caption Contest #159. There's real money riding on this. Three entries cost $5. The cash prizes are $500 for first place and $100 for each of the five runners up. As of now, I've invested $25 in this contest, with no success whatsoever in the first four contests. The criminally-minded drawing is by Lars Kenseth.

"Maybe the killer didn't sneak in through the cat door."
"The thief must know how to stay under the radar."
"We're going to need a bigger jail."

Maybe I should have closed that first entry with "after all." These captions didn't follow proper police procedure and were not submitted:

"There goes my theory that the killer was a jockey."
"No wonder the thief couldn't find the miniatures."
"This guy is all thumbs."
"This really complicates the lineup."

October 25, 2022 Update:  The Winner

04111

The CartoonStock Caption Contest #158

Why not pour ourselves another drink and settle down with the CartoonStock Caption Contest #158? My three entries cost me $5—a steal! Cash prizes are set at $500 for first place and $100 for each of five runners up. So far I've invested $20 in this contest and I'm keeping a tally. The cinematic drawing is by Tom Chitty.

"The G.O.P is clueless on rebranding."
"No planes—maybe we're both just wasted."
"It's innovative all right, but I prefer the classics."

September 27, 2022 Update:  The Winner

04083

The CartoonStock Caption Contest #157

The rules have changed once again for the CartoonStock Caption Contest #157. It still costs $5 to enter three captions. Cash prizes are now $500 for first place and $100 each for five runners up. The drawing is by Jon Adams.

"Would it kill them to write us into the Marvel Universe?"
"Apparently no one is too big to fail."
"We would have a complementary sushi bar in Tokyo."

These captions were too small-minded:

"Exactly. It's the pictures that got small."
"Damn Marvel Comics."
"How did the Marshmallow Man get in here?"

August 30, 2022 Update:  Lawrence Wood, now the eight-time winner of The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest, had a lot to say about my second entry, but it still did not make it into the top six:

https://www.cartoonstock.com/blog/movie-monster-support-group-caption-contest-commentary-with-lawrence-wood/

 

Hmm... It seems I should have tried entering that first of my rejected captions.

Then Wood brings up my non-winning caption again:

The Winner:

04055

The CartoonStock Caption Contest #156

The CartoonStock Caption Contest #156 is now the company's second competition that is pay-to-play. As before, five dollars gets you three entries and a chance at a $1,000 cash prize. Statistics tells us one needs a better than 1-in-200 chance of winning in order to make entering such a contest worthwhile. Surely, the uncharacteristic difficulty of the first two contests is discouraging potential entries, improving the odds for those few who do enter. Like many caption contestants, I remain certain that I have a better than 1-in-200 shot at this, but the fact of the matter is that in the first 155 contests I have failed to win a single one. It would be unwise to get my hopes up. The drawing is by Ellis Rosen.

"Best production of 'Death of a Salesman' ever."
"He never wanted to be known as Burning Dan."
"Shouldn't we beware of geeks burning gifts?"

August 3, 2022 Update:  The Winner

04027

The CartoonStock Caption Contest #155

The CartoonStock Caption Contest #155 is the first from the company that is pay-to-play. Five dollars gets you three entries and a chance at a single $1,000 cash prize. CartoonStock's basic business problem with the caption contest is that it is a recurring expense that brings in little or no licensing revenue. Therefore the frequency has been halved and halved again, making the contest feel less and less relevant. The answer is to try to generate enough revenue from those playing the contest to cover expenses, and to generate more interest in the contest from the significant prize money. The new calculation for caption contestants is that it isn't worth entering the contest unless one is convinced one has a better than 1-in-200 chance of winning. Fortunately for CartoonStock, most of us caption writers are delusional about how funny our entries are. To wit, my three sidesplittingly hilarious entries are shown below. The drawing is by Shannon Wheeler.

"There's nothing to do. Next time we'll go to your place."
"We're raising him without religion."
"We're all so unflappable."

These captions didn't take wing:

"Where do you suppose they learned to be so complacent?"
"There's just not much to do on a playdate in purgatory."
"It took us many years to learn to do nothing."
"I thought there would be more to do in hell."
"Since when do we let them play with brimstone?"
"See? Good and evil CAN coexist."

July 9, 2022 Update:  The Winner

So, were my chances greater than 1:200? Evidently, everybody's were. Fewer than 150 people entered, meaning the first cash prize contest operated at a loss. It's not surprising that so few entered given the difficulty of this particular contest. Why put good money on such a long shot? Mathematically, though, I suppose my own odds were better than most, since Lawrence Wood, seven-time New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest winner, went out of his way to (mis)quote mine in his Caption Contest Commentary. I don't think the celebrated captioner's unintended edit made it any better.

https://www.cartoonstock.com/blog/demonic-playdate-caption-contest-commentary-with-lawrence-wood/

04001

Virgil Partch: Show Jumping

Scott Burns has done it again. He writes with an original equestrian cartoon from the madcap Virgil Partch, who signs his name Vip. As prolific as Partch was, Scott notes that we don't see too many of his cartoons in color. Scott dates this cartoon to the Big George years, which would be from 1960, the panel strip's origin, to Partch's death in 1984 (although the comic strip continued until 1990 when Vip's finished gags ran out).

Virgil Partch

Scan by Scott Burns

Note:  My thanks once again go to Scott Burns. This is his fifth contribution to Attempted Bloggery and the fourth original Vip cartoon he has unearthed. What will come next? Wait and see.

Was this cartoon published? If so, where and when? Those are the kinds of questions I like to ask but can't answer. If you can, please contact me.

There is quite a lot of original Virgil Partch cartoon art out there, enough to support a dedicated Vip blog, no doubt. Until such a blog arrives on the scene, I will be happy to post scans of original Partch art right here. All you need is a Partch cartoon and a scanner. Come on, you know what to do.

03410

Lee Lorenz: In Need of Elizabeth Arden

Someone liked this published color cartoon by Lee Lorenz well enough to frame it. Very possibly it was used as an advertisement given the prominence of the brand. The framed cartoon print was sold on eBay in 2017.

"Help!"
Lee Lorenz
Published color cartoon 

Note:  I'm hoping someone can tell me when and where this appeared in print.

02608

E. Simms Campbell: Getting Frisky

Let's be clear:  the unbecoming conduct described in a 1938 Esquire cartoon by E. Simms Campbell would be regarded as unprofessional and, it is to be hoped, unacceptable according to any real-world police standards. But by the slightly less rigorous standards of a cartoon published in a leading men's magazine of the 1930s, we are, it seems, supposed to identify solely with the lecherous officers and to take pleasure in the pretty woman's predicament. The female subject under interrogation, if that's the word for it, is given about two thirds of the page, with the three policemen relegated to the remaining third. In addition, the woman shows more skin than the three men combined, and she is depicted from a high enough vantage point that we may more enjoy her discomfort and dishevelment. The ultimate insult to her—and indeed the very point of the cartoon—is that she is not smart enough to understand the ulterior motives behind what she has just been subjected to under the falsest of pretenses.

"Well[,] you've all frisked me! Now are you
convinced I haven't a gun!!"
E. Simms Campbell
Esquire, 1938

https://www.ebay.com/itm/1938-E-Simms-Campbell-Esquire-Comic-art-print-youve-all-frisked-me-police-woman/162979503660?hash=item25f255de2c:g:wOcAAOSwjX1aw76z

Note:  No doubt the very talented E. Simms Campbell (1906-1971) gave the Esquire reader what he wanted, and probably more so than any other cartoonist. Attempted Bloggery is hard at work bringing this often overlooked artist back into public view. Therefore readers with access to original works by this artist are asked to submit high-resolution scans or photographs for consideration on the blog. Images of long-forgotten published works such as this one are also welcome.

At post time, this old magazine page is still available for purchase on eBay, so gun for it if you wish.

In what issue of Esquire did this cartoon appear? If you know, I want to know.

Quick Links to the Attempted Bloggery Archives

E. Simms Campbell

Esquire

Attempted Bloggery's Hot and Frisky Index

Attempted Bloggery supports net neutrality.

02508

Blog Post No. 2500: E. Simms Campbell in Color—Esquire Cartoons from 1935

On Amazon, a seller has taken a number of issues of Esquire from 1935 and carefully removed full-page cartoons, of which there are many, selling them as individual cartoon "prints." We have already seen that some issues of the magazine had as many as four full page black and white cartoons by African-American cartoonist E. Simms Campbell and now we find the same for the color cartoons. His specialty was drawing attractive women, often in little or no clothing, but his range is surprisingly broad. Here are the 1935 color cartoons offered for sale on Amazon.

In April, we see a young couple for whom things already are not going well:

"Damn!  Can't you even cook?"
E. Simms Campbell
Esquire, April 1935, page 43

https://www.amazon.com/Campbell-Original-Illustration-art-Authentic/dp/B00YGAGM70/ref=sr_1_32?ie=UTF8&qid=1522203837&sr=8-32&keywords=Simms+Campbell+Esquire+1935

Campbell's "Harem Girls" were a popular recurring feature in Esquire. Here a bravura illustration entices us with...the merchandise.

"Sorry, buddy—you'll have to deliver them at the trade entrance[.]"

E. Simms Campbell

Esquire, April 1935

https://www.amazon.com/Campbell-Illustration-art-buddy-youll-entrance/dp/B016TS0E8Y/ref=sr_1_30?ie=UTF8&qid=1522203837&sr=8-30&keywords=Simms+Campbell+Esquire+1935

The information on the above issue date comes not from Amazon but from the Comic Art Fans site, which has the original art:

"Sorry, buddy—you'll have to deliver them at the trade entrance[.]"
E. Simms Campbell
Original art
Esquire, April 1935
The Illustrator in America, page 212
Ex-collection Walter Reed

http://www.comicartfans.com/gallerypiece.asp?piece=1288533

A Pacific island cartoon has one of Campbell's better captions. The original artwork to this gag was sold at Illustration House on November 4, 2000. The date of the issue comes from there.

"You'd think the damn fools never saw baskets before[.]"
E. Simms Campbell
Esquire, May 1935, page 78

https://www.amazon.com/Campbell-Original-Illustration-art-Authentic/dp/B00YGAN994/ref=sr_1_38?ie=UTF8&qid=1522205685&sr=8-38&keywords=Simms+Campbell+Esquire+1935

As already demonstrated, the "Harem Girls" series gave rise to some disturbing scenarios of how the women were regarded by the sultan as property. Was this ever funny?

If found, please return to Abdul Ullah
E. Simms Campbell
Esquire, June 1935, page 41

https://www.amazon.com/Campbell-Original-Illustration-art-Authentic/dp/B00YGAT2BI/ref=sr_1_37?ie=UTF8&qid=1522205685&sr=8-37&keywords=Simms+Campbell+Esquire+1935

Oh, come on. You know what he means...

"It's nothing—just the usual reaction[.]"
E. Simms Campbell
Esquire, August 1935, page 173

https://www.amazon.com/Original-Illustration-art-nothing-just-Authentic/dp/B00YG9C36K/ref=sr_1_33?ie=UTF8&qid=1522205309&sr=8-33&keywords=Simms+Campbell+Esquire+1935

Campbell's artwork gets the spelling of tattooing right, but the caption drops a t. What's fascinating, though, is how an African-American cartoonist treated racial humor in a magazine aimed predominantly at white men. One wonders to what extent Campbell created his own gags and whether gag writers were involved.

"—of course there's an extra charge for tat[t]ooing in reverse[.]"
E. Simms Campbell
Esquire, September 1935, page 41

https://www.amazon.com/Campbell-Original-Illustration-art-Authentic/dp/B00YG8WIUM/ref=sr_1_43?ie=UTF8&qid=1522298398&sr=8-43&keywords=Simms+Campbell+Esquire+1935

Most juries don't want to be sequestered.

"Are you going to lock us up for the night, Your Honor?"
E. Simms Campbell
Esquire, September 1935, page 53

https://www.amazon.com/Original-Illustration-art-night-your-Authentic/dp/B00YG2AVC0/ref=sr_1_44?ie=UTF8&qid=1522298398&sr=8-44&keywords=Simms+Campbell+Esquire+1935

Not jailbait:

"That's just what I'm afraid of—that you are old enough[.]"
E. Simms Campbell
Esquire, September 1935, page 71

https://www.amazon.com/Campbell-Original-Illustration-art-Authentic/dp/B00YGB0JM8/ref=sr_1_36?ie=UTF8&qid=1522205685&sr=8-36&keywords=Simms+Campbell+Esquire+1935

Cartoons about sexual assault are alarmingly common in men's magazines of this time period. Some cartoons, like this one, require the reader to figure out the line that precedes the caption.

"—but lady—I ain't got no sister[.]"
E. Simms Campbell
Esquire, September 1935, page 93

https://www.amazon.com/Campbell-Original-Illustration-art-Authentic/dp/B00YG914UQ/ref=sr_1_42?ie=UTF8&qid=1522298326&sr=8-42&keywords=Simms+Campbell+Esquire+1935

Gags about drinking to excess, even on the job, were also commonplace.

"Whom do you call in a case like this?"
E. Simms Campbell
Esquire, October 1935, page 65

https://www.amazon.com/Campbell-Original-Illustration-art-Authentic/dp/B00YG9MOEQ/ref=sr_1_39?ie=UTF8&qid=1522205685&sr=8-39&keywords=Simms+Campbell+Esquire+1935

The following cartoons are from 1935, but for now they lack an issue date.


Showtime:

"I don't see any parade[.]"
E. Simms Campbell
Esquire, 1935

https://www.amazon.com/Campbell-Illustration-art-Cartoon-Magazine/dp/B017I41BJO/ref=sr_1_19?ie=UTF8&qid=1522203513&sr=8-19&keywords=Simms+Campbell+Esquire+1935

Smart kids, those Esquire readers.

"They said they were developing some film[.]"
E. Simms Campbell
Esquire, 1935

https://www.amazon.com/Campbell-Illustration-art-developing-Magazine/dp/B017I44YPM/ref=sr_1_20?ie=UTF8&qid=1522203837&sr=8-20&keywords=Simms+Campbell+Esquire+1935

The sultan needs some me time.

"Thank God for onions!"
E. Simms Campbell
Esquire, 1935, page 30

 https://www.amazon.com/Campbell-Original-Illustration-art-Authentic/dp/B00YG9YGGA/ref=sr_1_28?ie=UTF8&qid=1522203837&sr=8-28&keywords=Simms+Campbell+Esquire+1935

How about that? Unfortunate dialect features prominently in this one.

"What a coincidence—so youse from the south too?"
E. Simms Campbell
Esquire, 1935, page 34

https://www.amazon.com/Original-Illustration-art-coincidence-so-Authentic/dp/B00YG9HI6K/ref=sr_1_40?ie=UTF8&qid=1522205685&sr=8-40&keywords=Simms+Campbell+Esquire+1935

What exactly has Mr. Jacobs been up to? We close with some revivifying humor...

"Tell me about Mr. Jacobs in the morning—you'll find
smelling salts and iodine on the table[.]"
E. Simms Campbell
Esquire, 1935, page 34

https://www.amazon.com/Original-Illustration-art-morning-youll-Authentic/dp/B00YG97496/ref=sr_1_41?ie=UTF8&qid=1522205685&sr=8-41&keywords=Simms+Campbell+Esquire+1935

Note:  At post time, all of these cartoons are available for purchase on Amazon. Simply follow the aqua link below each image.

Youse know what? Attempted Bloggery has been looking at the work of cartoonist E. Simms Campbell (1906-1971) for a good few weeks now. Interested readers can help carry on this worthy endeavor by submitting high-resolution scans or photographs of original Campbell art or of obscure published works like these. I would be happy to add to this post additional color Campbell cartoons from Esquire issues dated 1935.

The Esquire cartoons in the latter part of this post have years and page numbers, but alas no month. Please help me out if you can. I am, after all, a stickler for these things.

External Links:

E. Simms Campbell's Wikipedia Entry

E. Simms Campbell on Ink Spill

E. Simms Campbell in Christopher Wheeler's Cartoon(ist) Gallery 

E. Simms Campbell in Print: Insider Histories: Black Cartoonist E. Simms Campbell. Robert C. Harvey intervied by Michael Dooley. March 3, 2015

E. Simms Campbell on We Too Were Children, Mr. Barrie. October 6, 2012

E. Simms Campbell at American Art Archives

E. Simms Campbell on Eli Stein Cartoons.com:  "We All Have to Start Somewhere" Department. Case in Point No. 15. September 6, 2011

E. Simms Campbell in Potrzebie. October 10, 2007

Quick Links to the Attempted Bloggery Archives

E. Simms Campbell

Esquire

Attempted Bloggery's Full-Color Index

The Attempted Bloggery Centennial Posts
Blog Post No. 100
Blog Post No. 200:  A Shaggy Dog Story

Blog Post No. 300:  From the Libraries of Searle, Koren, Booth, and Saxon

Blog Post No. 400: The Attempted Bloggery Quiz

Blog Post No. 500:  The Second Attempted Bloggery Quiz

Blog Post No. 600:  What I Do When I'm Not Blogging

Blog Post No. 700:  The Many Hazards of Blogging

Blog Post No. 800:  Think Locally, Blog Globally

Blog Post No. 900:  The Blog I Was Meant to Write

Blog Post No. 1000: Happy New Year, Lurkers and All!

Blog Post No. 1100:  The Power of Google

Blog Post No. 1200:  The Ukrainian Situation

Blog Post No. 1300:  Plus-Sizing the Readership

Blog Post No. 1400:  New Goals for an Old Blogger

Blog Post No. 1500:  The Wisdom of Warren Buffett 

Blog Post No. 1600:  "The Big Bang Theory's" Homage to Charles Addams

Blog Post No. 1700:  The New Yorker Apocrypha

Blog Post No. 1800:  The Wrong Bag

Blog Post No. 1900:  Think Good Thoughts About George Booth at 90

Blog Post No. 2000:  Charles Addams and the Birth of a Rare Book Collector
Blog Post No. 2100:  Eustace Tilley in Leotards
Blog Post No. 2200:  Peter Arno Drawings from the Estate of Frank Modell

Blog Post No. 2300:  Peter Arno—Not for Attribution

Blog Post No. 2400:  Sizzling Platter Chatter

Attempted Bloggery supports net neutrality.

02500