The CartoonStock Cartoon Caption Contest No. 205

In the CartoonStock Caption Contest number 205, a man wearing a leaf blower has arrived at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is the speaker. The cartoonist, new to this blog, is Tim Mellish.

The rules of the monthly cash prize contest have not changed: Five dollars buys up to three entries. Real cash prizes are $500 for first place and $100 for each of five runners up. As of this writing, I've put $250 into the first fifty pay-to-play contests and this fifty-first challenge brings my total cash outlay up to $255. Having achieved runner-up status with three previous entries, I've collected $300 from CartoonStock, so I'm still playing with the house's money, thank you very much. In fact, so few contestants enter that the odds may generally be considered favorable even for less-gifted caption writers. My three entries this round are shown below.

"That's an ungainly piece of equipment to bring up to a roof."
"And I suppose you couldn't hear the church van?"
"Why do you think your neighbor went for his rifle?"

May 10, 2026 Update: The Winner

The Judges Deliberate

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The CartoonStock Cartoon Caption Contest No. 202

In the CartoonStock Caption Contest number 202, a creature I take to be Bigfoot is giving a statement to the news media. He is the speaker. The cartoonist is Bill Whitehead.

The rules of the monthly cash prize contest have not changed: Five dollars buys up to three entries. Real cash prizes are $500 for first place and $100 for each of five runners up. As of this writing, I've put $235 into the first forty-seven pay-to-play contests and this forty-eighth challenge brings my total cash outlay up to $240. Having achieved runner-up status with three previous entries, I've collected $300 from CartoonStock, so I'm playing with the house's money, thank you very much. In fact, so few contestants enter that the odds may generally be considered favorable even for less-gifted caption writers. My three entries this round are shown below, above the break.

"I don't know my shoe size. Why?"
"If you want to see more of me, I'm on OnlyFans."
"I ask that you leave Nessie and me alone."
* * *
"Is it any wonder I don't come out of the woods?"
"Again, no comment."

February 14, 2026 Update:  The Winner

The Judges Deliberate

Video added February 8, 2026

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #970

In The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #970 from the issue of December 1, 2025, the setting is a library (or maybe a bookstore). A librarian with a cart is talking to a woman in the Psychology section while they look at the Grim Reaper browsing nearby in the Self-Help section. The librarian speaks. My entry appears below. The drawing is by Hilary Fitzgerald Campbell.

"I'll start wheezing and lead him to the travel section."

These captions needed to be shelved:

"Why shouldn't he want to work more efficiently?"
"He'll never find anything to replace chess."
"I wouldn't mind some new life goals."
"He should be working on his people skills."

December 20, 2025 Update:  The Finalists

December 22, 2025 Update:  I voted for the caption from Burlington.

January 10, 2026 Update:  The Winner

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #963

In The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #963 from the issue of October 13, 2025, we are looking at a business office. A man wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase stands by a receptionist who is dressed as a clown. In the next room, another man sits at a desk with a laptop. The clown speaks. My entry appears below. The drawing is by Mick Stevens.

"Don't look so serious. He likes a bit of whimsy."

October 21, 2025 Update:  The Finalists

October 28, 2025 Update:  I voted for the caption from Burlington.

November 9, 2025 Update:  The Winner

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #876

It's just another day in the lab but one of the rats is showing unusual talent. Here we are in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #876 from the issue of November 27, 2023. My caption is shown below. The drawing is by Mike Twohy.

"It's a pity we neutered him."

Incidentally, I was planning to go with the following caption until I listened to The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest Podcast episode 134. Nicole Chrolavicius came up with an idea very similar to mine and mentioned it on the podcast, announcing it to the world. I then went to work on a new caption.

"I'm hoping he'll make me the Creator."

December 4, 2023 Update:  The Finalists

December 15, 2023 Update:  I voted for the caption from Reno.

December 30, 2023 Update:  The Winner

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The CartoonStock Cartoon Caption Contest No. 170

Here we go again with the CartoonStock Caption Contest #170. Cartoonist Pat Byrnes, the original Captain Dad, gives us a gathering of three zebras on the African plain but one one of them has a different pattern, bricks instead of stripes. By now, you should have the rules of the monthly cash prize contest down pat: five dollars buys up to three entries and no more. Real cash prizes are $500 for first place and $100 for each of five runners up. As of this writing, I've put $75 into the first fifteen pay-to-play contests and this sixteenth one brings my cash outlay up to $80. I won $200 in previous contests, so I'm still playing with the house's money, thank you very much. So few caption writers enter that the odds are actually favorable in aggregate; that is, the contest pays out more than it takes in. If only I could find a lottery like this. My three entries are shown below.

"All those Safari vans will jam their brakes."
"We don't condone urban camouflage."
"Say, you know what you're built like?"

August 29, 2023 Update:  The Winner

Lawrence Wood's caption contest commentary is here. Don't expect to find any of my captions mentioned. 

The judges deliberate but, again, not about my captions. The ones they discuss are really far better than anything I came up with:

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #860

Life's a beach in The New Yorker  Cartoon Caption Contest #860 from the issue of August 7, 2023. My caption is shown below. The drawing is by Ed Himelblau.

"At least we scavenge with moderation."

These captions spent a little too much time in the sun:

"Oh, yeah. Can I get you anything?"
"There goes the neighborhood."
"That's why I like you. You're a bird with class."
"Are these jokers any relation to you?"
"I used to be like that until I saw 'Ratatouille.'"
"I knew we sat too close to the food."
"Promise me we'll never be like that."

August 18, 2023 Update:  The Finalists

August 21, 2023 Update:  I voted for the caption from Burlington.

August 28, 2023 Update:  The Winner

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The CartoonStock Caption Contest #163

Hulk smash . . . the CartoonStock Caption Contest #163. Let's go over how this new monthly cash prize contest works: $5 buys up to three entries and no more. Real cash prizes are $500 for first place and $100 for each of five runners up. As of this writing, I've spent $40 over the first eight contests and I managed to win $200, making it my most successful investment of the past year. So here goes another $5. I've done well in part because so few people enter. My three new entries are shown below. The full-color drawing of the Hulk at home is by Christopher Weyant.

"Our home repair bills are up another 400 percent."
"He may be puny, but Bruce is better in bed."
"That Mrs. Von Doom snubbed me again. It would be a shame if her Bentley got smashed."

February 20, 2023 Update:  The Winner

"I don't know why I even bother to talk politics with you." 

—Christopher Weyant, original caption

In other news, not one of my captions was selected by any of the four judges:

Caption Contest Deliberations

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #813

A child plays at Napoleon in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #813 from the issue of August 8, 2022. My caption is shown below. The drawing is by Felipe Galindo who also answers to Feggo.

"See? We got everything we needed without invading the breadbasket of Europe."

These captions had to beat a hasty retreat:

"That's enough invading for now."
"Let's go or we'll miss 1812."
"Thanks for helping Mommy plunder Europe."
"Thanks for helping Mommy plunder Trader Joe's."

August 15, 2022 Update:  The Finalists

August 22, 2022 Update:  I voted for the caption from Burlington.

September 3, 2022 Update:  The Winner

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