The CartoonStock Cartoon Caption Contest No. 196

In the CartoonStock Caption Contest number 196, a pirate captain offers some words to the new guy. The experienced pirates have eye patches, hooks, and at least one pegleg. Argh!

The rules of the monthly cash prize contest have not changed (and neither has my description of them): Five dollars buys up to three entries. Real cash prizes are $500 for first place and $100 for each of five runners up. As of this writing, I've put $205 into the first forty-one pay-to-play contests and this forty-second challenge brings my total cash outlay up to $210. Having achieved runner-up status with three previous entries, thank you, I've collected $300 from CartoonStock, so I'm very much playing with the house's money. In fact, so few contestants enter that the odds may generally be considered favorable even for us less-gifted caption writers. My three entries this round are shown below, above the break. The cartoonist is Meredith Southard.

"Can you lend the crew a hand?"
"Welcome to the Jolly Hobbler."
"We need someone who can handle a corkscrew."
* * *
"Bring the spirit of schadenfreude."
"Are you prone to accidents?"
"We don't tolerate ableism."
"I don't tolerate atheists or ableists."
"Your station is the crow's nest."
"Fetch the lad the lucky binoculars."
"I no longer allow banana peels on deck."
"Otherwise, this is a happy ship."

August 28, 2025 Update:  The Winner

The Judges Deliberate

Video added August 24, 2025

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #931

In The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #931 from the issue of February 3, 2025, a pirate captain has lost his left hand but gained a whisk (instead of a hook). He addresses two of his crew. The drawing is by that scallywag Benjamin Schwartz.

"Don't aye-aye me. Just say 'Yes, chef.'"

These captions didn't follow the recipe:

"I thought it was for making whiskey."
"Can ye guess the secret of my frothy cream?"

February 22, 2025 Update:  The Finalists

March 1, 2025 Update:  I voted for the caption from Stratford-Upon-Avon. Of course.

March 8, 2025 Update:  The Winner

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #903

X marks the spot in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #903 from the issue of July 1, 2024. My caption is shown below, but I failed to enter the contest before the deadline. The drawing is by Meredith Southard.

"Well, if it isn't your mother's storage locker and your father."

July 15, 2024 Update:  The Finalists

July 27, 2024 Update:  I voted for the caption from Twin Falls.

August 3, 2024 Update:  The Winner

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #835

This week, X marks the spot in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #835 from the issue of January 23, 2022. My caption is shown below. The drawing is by Eddie Ward.

"Sorry, we're fresh out of rum cake."

These captions didn't float:

"Do you need exact change?"
"If you can't find $4.99, please let these nice people through."
"We don't serve grog."
"Take whatever you want."

February 4, 2023 Update:  The Finalists

February 12, 2023 Update:  I voted for the caption from Houston.

February 20, 2023 Update:  The Winner

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Cape Cod 2022: Some Parting Shots

August in Cape Cod is already a fading memory. I have a few last photographs to share from the trip.

Shop window sign in Chatham

The summer lifeguard shortage is national.
Dennis Port

Beach shower
Lighthouse Inn, West Dennis

The Chatham Bars Inn

The Godfrey Windmill, Chatham

Unrealized
James Payne
Cape Cod Open Sculpture Invitational
Cape Cod Museum of Art, Dennis

Lego Pirate
Buggs Place Toys, Hyannis

Melody Tent, Barnstable

Union Chapel, Barnstable

Found object
Edward Gorey House, Yarmouth

Sunset on Cape Cod Bay, Brewster

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #774

Land ho! It's The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #774 from the issue dated October 4, 2021. My caption is shown below. The drawing is by Paul Karasik.

"Guess what? X marked a sandbar."

These captions made me scream, "Aargh!":

"These days, if you give the crew a good flogging, they mutiny."
"Are you a lookout or a mirage?"
"I just lost my retirement plan."
"How are you at deep water recovery?"
"It's all salvageable except my reputation."

October 11, 2021 Update:  The Finalists

October 20, 2021 Update:  I voted for the caption from LA.

October 27, 2021 Update:  The Winner

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #697

Stand clear of the closing doors on my career entering The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #697 for February 10, 2020. The drawing is by Jeremy Nguyen.

"Soon you'll be wishing for shark-infested waters."

This one was not entered:

"Say farewell to the Argh train."

February 24, 2020 Update:  The Finalists

March 2, 2020 Update:  I voted with Mount Horeb.


March 9, 2020 Update:  The Winner

Note:  In last week's Caption Contest, cartoonist Hartley Lin took us to a restaurant where they serve up dinner in a trough. Even I couldn't stomach my caption. Have a taste of Contest #696.

Quick Links to the Attempted Bloggery Archives

Jeremy Nguyen

The Subway

The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest

The Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest

The Cartoon Collections Caption Contest

All the Above Cartoon Caption Contests and Then Some

Attempted Bloggery's Rapid Transit Index

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The Cartoon Collections Caption Contest #53

Shiver me timbers! The Cartoon Collections Caption Contest #53 has alas closed. The drawing is by Christopher Weyant.

"Cutty Sark?"
"Perhaps something a bit more dry?"
"I understand you're in dry dock."

December 18, 2019 Update:  The Winner

Quick Links to the Attempted Bloggery Archives:

Christopher Weyant

Pirates

The Cartoon Collections Caption Contest

The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest

The Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest

All These Cartoon Caption Contests and Then Some

Attempted Bloggery's Time-in-a-Bottle Index

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My Entry in the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #559

Ahoy, mateys! Feast ye your scurvy eyes on me entry in the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #559 for the sixth of March, 2017. The piratical drawing be by Kim Warp.

"Egad! Who has the sunken treasure map?"

March 13, 2017 Update:  The Finalists

March 20, 2017 Update:  I voted for the first caption.

March 27, 2017 Update:  Winning Caption

Note:  Say hi to Kim Warp. This is her first appearance on the blog. Hi, Kim.

Last week cartoonist Benjamin Schwartz got stuck in the nursery. My caption just couldn't grow up. No second childhood should be without Contest #558.

The last time I wrote a caption in iambic pentameter, it wasn't very Shakespearean either.

There be pirates here, you say?

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Charles M. Schulz's Peanuts: Pirates and Parrots

"I've always wondered why pirates carried parrots on their shoulders." Thus Linus gets things started in this original comic strip artwork by Charles M. Schulz for Peanuts dating from 1996. The artwork is dedicated to one Chris Paolini--but apparently not Chris Paolini the author, who was too young to be trading in Eisenhower autographs at the time.

Charles M. Schulz, Original Artwork for Peanuts, March 4, 1996,
Inscribed, "For Chris [Paolini] with friendship and appreciation--Charles M. Schulz"

Letter of Provenance 

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Peanuts-Comic-Strip-Original-Art-Signed-by-Charles-M-Schulz-Snoopy-Linus-/141072376905?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item20d891a449

Note:  I just might have a few more posts about Charles M. Schulz and Peanuts waiting for you here.

Meanwhile, more original comic strip art may be seen here.

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My Entry in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #378

Ahoy, landlubbers! This is my entry in The New Yorker's Cartoon Caption Contest #378 for April 29, 2013. The drawing is by Michael Maslin.

"She was my second choice. The only parrot in the shop called me a damn buffoon."

May 6, 2013 Update:  The Finalists

May 20, 2013 Update:  The Winning Caption

Note:  You can see my entry from last week here.

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