Monday, March 23, 2015

Bob Mankoff for President

Four years ago this blog neglected to endorse a Presidential candidate. That moral lapse will not be repeated in the current election cycle. Today Attempted Bloggery is proud to lead the national conversation by endorsing a Presidential candidate who has been quietly getting his name out there in cartoon books since at least 2007. Here's the sort of creative campaigning we need to see a lot more of:

Bob Mankoff, Bob Mankoff for President
Signed drawing in The New Yorker Cartoon Yearbook 2007

Bob Mankoff, for those who don't know, has been biding his time as cartoon editor of the New Yorker since 1997. He was publishing cartoons in the magazine for 20 years prior to that. Thus he is uniquely qualified to comment with insight and humor on the most pressing issues of our time.

In light of my early endorsement and the extraordinary publicity it is bound to engender, I have consented to be interviewed. My initial press conference found the members of the local press to be unavailable on short notice, so the interview has been conducted by the latest version of Siri. Bob Mankoff for President!


Siri:  So you are endorsing Bob Mankoff as a Presidential candidate, Doc.

Docnad:  Yes, Siri, I am unconditionally endorsing Bob Mankoff for President. You give a tough interview.

Siri:  Is he indeed running for President then?

Docnad:  Of course he is. Take a look at his drawing.

Siri:  What is Mr. Mankoff's party affiliation?

Docnad:  Well, I think that's his business, Siri. Either party would be lucky to have him. Or both. We could put an end to the coming contentious campaign today if both parties were simply to draft him.

Siri:  Doc, I don't think both major parties would choose the same Presidential candidate. Think of what would become of the debates.

Docnad:  We could still hold the debates. Bob Mankoff could debate himself. And if he wants, he could choose a different Vice President for each party.

Siri:  Would that be helpful?

Docnad:  No, Siri, but it might be funny.

Siri:  Has he informed you of any of his political views?

Docnad:  I don't speak for him, Siri. I met him only once. All I can tell you is that Bob Mankoff is a true American patriot whom I believe would make an outstanding Commander in Chief. And, to his credit, he did not sign that Senate letter to the leaders of Iran.

Siri:  But don't you think it's time we had a woman President?

Docnad:  I see where you're going with that. By all means, we should elect the most qualified candidate to be our President. But let me add that I'm pretty sure Bob Mankoff does not maintain a private email server in his laundry room.

Siri:  Doc, don't you stand to benefit personally from this endorsement? Isn't there a quid pro quo?

Docnad:  Sorry, Siri, I don't speak Latin.

Siri:  Might your endorsement, for example, earn you favorable treatment in the Caption Contest?

Docnad:  Have you seen my captions? I don't believe so.

Siri:  Come on, Doc. The voters deserve to know. What if first you endorse Bob Mankoff for President, then suddenly your captions become his little darlings for the next four years.

Docnad:  The Presidency is  an office of vital importance to our nation. I don't think he'd be able to continue his caption-judging responsibilities while in the White House. And I don't think you're taking his candidacy seriously.

Siri:  Well, would you agree then that the international situation is a serious, even a paramount, issue? Would Bob Mankoff be able to stand up to Vladimir Putin, for example? Could he take on the Iranians?

Docnad:  Siri, Bob Mankoff deals every day with disappointed cartoonists, some of whom experience repeated rejection, becoming emotionally unbalanced and even unstable. Ipso facto I'm sure he can handle a couple of fanatical Iranian clerics who want to build nukes.

Siri:  I thought you didn't speak Latin.

Docnad:  Next question.

Siri:  Doc, concerning your blog--

Docnad:  Oh, you've seen my blog?

Siri:  Yes, it's so sweet the way you've kept it up after the rest of the world has moved on. It's almost quaint.

Docnad:  Thank you. I think.

Siri:  Your blog shows you possess a number of books signed by Mr. Mankoff. If Bob Mankoff does become President, don't you stand to profit greatly as your personal library increases astronomically in value?

Docnad:  Oh, I see we're out of time. Siri, I'd just like to say how much I've enjoyed this interview. Let's do it again soon.

Note: Attempted Bloggery has long been following the political career of Bob Mankoff, the first Presidential candidate to be endorsed here.

Signed books with original drawings are a popular topic around here.


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