My Entry in the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #581

I'm handing down my entry in the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #581 for August 28, 2017. The drawing is by Benjamin Schwartz.

"It's not a commandment, but if you
love Me you'll wear it."

I had to leave the computer for a few hours and when I returned, I saw that my daughters had left me a few captions:

"The sorting sweater assigns you... Team Turtleneck!"
"We shall call you Waldo."
"Wear this to your manicure; make a left at The Gates."
"This sweater has no commandments, but it's cute."

September 4, 2017 Update:  The Finalists

September 11, 2017 Update:  I voted for the first caption.


September 18, 2017 Update:  Winning Caption

Note:  Last week, cartoonist Frank Cotham set up a comfy hammock in the throne room. I must have nodded off while writing my caption. Set your alarm for Contest #580.

Benjamin Schwartz has been known to create a caption contest or two.

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for September/October 2015

Here are my entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for September/October 2015. The drawing is by Benjamin Schwartz.

"They're Commandments, but they aren't carved in stone."
"These laws were in the cloud."
"Would you rather see the hard copy?"
"Why haven't these gone viral yet?"
"I added two of my own to make it an even dozen."

I must be losing my touch. Here are the finalists:

Moment Cartoon Caption Contest September/October 2015 Finalists

January 10, 2016 Update: Winning Caption

Moment Cartoon Caption Contest September/October 2015 Winning Caption

Note:  Last time around, our hero came up against a codpiece caption. Find out who won the July/August 2015 Contest.

See more blog posts featuring the art of Benjamin Schwartz.

The entire sorry history of my dabbling in caption contests is in the archives.

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Shannon Wheeler: God is Disappointed in You

I find Shannon Wheeler's art hard to resist. When I met him back at MoCCA Fest 2012, I purchased a couple of pieces of original art from him, which is unusual for me. I bought a cartoon rough senselessly rejected by the New Yorker. Even more unusual, I acquired a page of a "Too Much Coffee Man" comic, even though I don't collect comic strip art, and even though I don't read "Too Much Coffee Man," although I do drink too much coffee. As a collector, I find it hard to settle on just one piece of Wheeler's original cartoon art.  The fact that it's quite reasonably priced means that I don't have to.

A visit this week to the Etsy shop WheelerCartoons has once again made me a buyer of multiple works of original art. Again I was unable to refrain from picking up a cartoon rejected by the New Yorker, if perhaps not quite as senselessly rejected as the last time around. This time, though, I passed on the "Too Much Coffee Man" art and went instead for some original book illustrations. And not just any book....

The Bible has always provided inspiration to artists--and when I say artists I include cartoonists, of course. God is Disappointed in You is a retelling of the Christian Bible written by Mark Russell. From what I gather, it is an attempt to distill the great book down to the essence of its stories in what I take to be a succinct and humorous yet essentially faithful manner.

Shannon Wheeler has been selling the original illustrations at comics conventions and online. Once again, as with his rejected New Yorker cartoons and the "Too Much Coffee Man" strips, the prices seem reasonable to me. Is $99 a good price for an original book illustration by a New Yorker cartoonist--with a signed copy of the book included? It certainly is if you like the illustration.

"God wants you to be rich." Now there's a caption I can relate to! It's spoken by Amos, a minor prophet from the Hebrew Bible. In the published version, it's expanded to "God wants you to be rich, and by that I mean God wants me to be rich." Thanks for the minor prophecy, Amos. I'll take it.

Shannon Wheeler, "God wants you to be rich."--Amos
Published as "God wants you to be rich, and by that I mean God wants me to be rich."
Original artwork for God is Disappointed in You (2013) by Mark Russell, page 120

Shannon Wheeler, "God wants you to be rich."--Amos
Original artwork for God is Disappointed in You (2013) by Mark Russell, page 120

Shannon Wheeler, "God wants you to be rich, and by that I mean God wants me to be rich."--Amos (published caption)
Original artwork for God is Disappointed in You (2013) by Mark Russell, page 120

Here is another original book illustration, "Don't forget the fine print," the fine print being those small rocky fragments that have broken off. It's $150, slightly more than Amos, but Moses, let's face it, should cost slightly more than Amos, plus it's framed, and it too comes with a signed copy of the book. Again, I think it's a good deal for an original book illustration if you like it. I do.

Shannon Wheeler, "Don't forget the fine print."
Original artwork for God is Disappointed in You (2013) by Mark Russell, page 20

Shannon Wheeler, "Don't forget the fine print."
Original framed artwork for God is Disappointed in You (2013) by Mark Russell, page 20

Shannon Wheeler, "Don't forget the fine print."
Original framed artwork for God is Disappointed in You (2013) by Mark Russell, page 20

I can't speak to the wisdom of buying gags rejected by the New Yorker, but I do it selectively on occasion and I seldom if ever regret it. In Mr. Wheeler's case, his rejected drawings have been proudly gathered in several published collections. If this one is included in a collection at some point, well, then I'll own a rejected New Yorker drawing which has been truly published elsewhere, and that is of course an even more desirable state of affairs. Even it it isn't published, though, I like the gag well enough, while I acknowledge that it's probably not a great masterpiece. Still, what do you want for $99?

Shannon Wheeler, How to Read Books, unpublished

I don't see how anyone can resist a tiny cartoon book, let alone three. Postage Stamp Funnies were published in the satirical magazine The Onion and they are the size of, well, you figure it out.

Shannon Wheeler, Postage Stamp Funnies

Shannon Wheeler, Postage Stamp Funnies

Shannon Wheeler, Postage Stamp Funnies

Shannon Wheeler, Postage Stamp Funnies

Shannon Wheeler, "God wants you to be rich."--Amos
Published as "God wants you to be rich, and by that I mean God wants me to be rich."
Original artwork for God is Disappointed in You by Mark Russell, page 120

Note:  WheelerCartoons, Shannon Wheeler's Etsy shop, can be found here.

Earlier blog posts about the art of Shannon Wheeler may be read here.

Other New Yorker cartoonists sell on Etsy as well. For example, Carolita Johnson's Etsy shop Carolitaland is here.

Victoria Roberts's Etsy shop is here.

Danny Shanahan is on Etsy too right here as CartoonsbyShanahan.

Corey Pandolph had an Etsy shop once here, but now it's closed, so if you click on the link you'll just be, like God, disappointed.

And let's not forget Beth Nadler Art. Beth is definitely not a cartoonist, but she did marry my brother, so you know she's got good taste. Her Etsy shop is here.

Finally, whenever you may need it, the archives of Attempted Bloggery are full of warm Christmas cheer here.

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My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for September/October 2013

After I became a finalist in the very first Moment magazine Cartoon Caption Contest I entered, there was no way I wasn't going to try again. Cartoonist Bob Mankoff created a great gag for the September/October issue and I came up with no fewer than seven entries. Moment is a magazine of Jewish religious thought and culture, and so I tried to fashion my entries somewhat accordingly.


This time around, I submitted my entries as I came up with them, rather than waiting till the very last minute. In this way, I attempted to preclude someone else beating me to the punch line. Here are my seven caption entries.

"Okay, so she left you.  Why go and spoil adultery for everyone?"
"Only ten commandments?  Piece of cake!"
"What do you have against vowels?"
"Why can't we all just do whatever we want?"
"Let's add one more about not leaving socks lying around."
"Why don't I carry that down for you, Butterfingers?"
"Well, I'm free to covet my neighbor's husband. Are you married, Moses?"

Well, there you have it. Adultery, socks, and a klutz who's about to drop the tablets. What could be funnier? Well, I don't get to decide what's funny. Cartoonist Bob Mankoff gets to decide. He just happens to be the New Yorker's cartoon editor, so he may know a little something about the subject of humor. Once again, he let me into the circle of finalists and I'm very grateful. Let's see what he thought was my funniest caption:

January 13, 2014 Update:  Winning caption

Note:  In his roles as cartoonist and cartoon editor of The New Yorker, Bob Mankoff has been the subject of not a few of my blog entries which you can read here, but can he draw a porcupine? As I explain here, we may never know.

Bob Mankoff's superb New Yorker blog is here. Yes, it's that good! I wish he would take my advice and write a memoir.

Here is Mr. Mankoff's New Yorker work in the Cartoon Bank. You get extra credit if you can name the founder of the Cartoon Bank.

You can read all the latest news about Bob Mankoff on Ink Spill here.

Check out the current Moment Caption Contest here. You might even enter the current November/December contest yourself and then vote for one of the September/October caption finalists. You can vote for the funniest, the wittiest, the most effervescent caption. Or you can vote for mine.

Read my previous entries in the July/August Moment Cartoon Caption Contest here. I was a finalist last time around too, you know. While I did not win the contest, I did come up with one of the best captions ever to use the name of a common household water-displacing lubricant. In addition, more than half a year's worth of my misfired entries in The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest can be found here.

Danny Shanahan's website is here. His own monthly Caption Contest is going strong, particularly if you adopt a loose definition of monthly. As you may have surmised, I like to try my hand at the various caption contests that are out there in a contemporary variation of the old principle that if you give enough monkeys typewriters, you'll eventually find a Shakespeare. You can see my non-Shakespearean entries in his first contest here.

Today, my blog has reached 300,000 all-time page views. My younger daughter sums it up nicely: "Dad, you're not even getting paid."

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