My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Summer 2026

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Summer 2026 double issue shows us God speaking to Moses at the top of Mount Sinai—I mean Rushmore. God, perched in a cloud, is the speaker. The drawing is by cartoonist Benjamin Schwartz. My captions appear below.

"That settles it. We should ban graven images."
"See what I mean? What we need is better marketing."
"At this altitude, on a clear day they can see forever."
"Not My best work? This isn't My work at all."
"At least they're an improvement over the golden calf."
"Now lead the Israelites north by northwest."

05301

My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Spring 2026

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Spring 2026 issue shows a man reading from the Torah at a Jewish religious service. In place of the traditional pointer, he is using a foam finger. The drawing is by cartoonist and sports fan Benjamin Schwartz. The reader speaks. My captions appear below.

"I'll be quick. They need me at the game."
"I can't see a thing with these glasses."
"Do I look like some kind of silversmith?"
"I'm telling you I looked everywhere."
"It's probably in the back of some drawer."
"I brought a different one for each aliyah."

July 4, 2026 Update:  The Finalists

05255

My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Winter 2026

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Winter 2026 issue anticipates spring. One elderly, Orthodox man's shtreimel has a bird's nest up top and a younger man wearing a similar hat comments. According to the good folks at Wikipedia, a shtreimel "is a fur hat worn by some Ashkenazi Jewish men, mainly members of Hasidic Judaism, on Shabbat and Jewish holidays and other festive occasions." The drawing is by cartoonist Benjamin Schwartz, a keen observer of people, hats, and nature. My captions appear below.

"Shmuel, your shtreimel shows it to be shpring."
"Humane, yes, but it doesn't count as a mitzvah."
"Where can I get some feygl for MY shtreimel, Feivel?"
"We never use the hat check but if we do we leave a tip."

A mitzvah is a commandment, but commonly it's used to mean a good deed. Feygl, in Yiddish, are birds. No Orthodox man would ever check his hat. What was I thinking?

March 24, 2026 Update:  The Finalists

July 4, 2026 Update:  The Winner

05207

My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for the Summer Double Issue 2025

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Summer 2025 double issue shows two robots at home in a futuristic setting. One reads a copy of Moment magazine. The other speaks. My entries are shown below. The drawing is by that technological whiz, Benjamin Schwartz.

"The captions are so much funnier in binary."
"How close are we to peace in the Middle East?"
"What is their stand on bot mitzvahs?"
"It's because of readers like you that we're going to lose the tree."
"Jews and captioners open it from the right."

A particularly intriguing caption turned up among the entries:

September 14, 2025 Update:  The Finalists

November 15, 2025 Update:  The Winner

05014

My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Spring 2025

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Spring 2025 issue shows an elderly woman and man sitting on a park bench. The woman prepares to eat a sandwich. The man, oblivious, is feeding a bird. Cupid hovers above the woman, arrow drawn. The woman observes him and speaks. My six entries are shown below; I think the first is the best. The drawing is by that old-time romantic, Benjamin Schwartz.

"Matchmaker, matchmaker, just let me snack."
"What do you mean, a match for the ages?"
"I left my heart in Coney Island."

"I'll take my sandwich over your shidduch."
"Golda Meir always said you'd find me."
"You don't want to mess with this bubbie."

June 14, 2025 Update:  The Finalists

September 14, 2025 Update:  The Winner

04928

My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for January/February 2025

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the January/February 2025 issue shows two dogs out for a walk. One dog has a Jewish star hanging from its collar and the other dog speaks. My two entries are shown below. The drawing is by dog lover Benjamin Schwartz.

“You’re lucky. Mine just says I don’t have rabies.”

"Would you ever date a German shepherd?"

March 29, 2025 Update:  The Finalists

June 14, 2025 Update:  The Winner--but not for the Spring issue.

04880

My Entry in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for November/December 2024

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the November/December 2024 issue brings us to the seasonal activity of snow tubing, specifically with a tube that looks distinctly like a sesame bagel. My lone submission is shown below. The drawing is by Benjamin Schwartz, a sportsman for all seasons.

“Next time I’m taking the bialy.”

January 21, 2025 Update:  The Finalists

March 29, 2025 Update:  The Winner

04830

My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Fall 2024

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Fall 2024 issue brings us to the day of the emotional college dropoff. The parents are leaving their son with a menorah. My submissions are shown below. The drawing is by former college boy Benjamin Schwartz.

"Guess what we found in the bookstore?"
"It's always been a babe magnet and you're living proof."
"Just set it in any window that's bulletproof."
"It might come in handy in these dark times."

December 7, 2024 Update:  The Finalists

January 21, 2025 Update:  The Winner

04777

My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for September/October 2022

I'm up in the air over Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for September/ October 2022. My eleven entries are shown below. The high-flying drawing is by Benjamin Schwarz.

"You really splurged on the flight insurance."
"The angels don't know I'm checking up on them."
"Usually I fly El Al."
"The answers to all your questions are behind a paywall at MomentMag.com."
"Richard Dawkins and I don't read each other's books."
"Your bubbie sends her love."
"Since you hate airline food too, let's go out for a nosh."
"Then who DOES get to sit in first class?"
"Don't worry about what to say. I never sneeze."
"It's just some mild turbulence. Why do you pray for divine intervention?"
"You've been slacking on the Commandments."

November 12, 2022 Update:  The Finalists

February 4, 2023 Update:  The Winner

04125

My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Summer 2022

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Summer 2022 issue shows us God addressing two angels while heading off carrying a surfboard. My captions are shown below. The drawing is by Benjamin Schwartz.

"While I'm gone, replace all the Hallelujahs with Cowabungas."
"Zeus was never this cool."
"Cue the theme to 'Hawaii Five-O' on harps."
"Go write a psalm in praise of gnarly waves."
"Here's a hint: It isn't the Commandments I'll be hanging ten of."

There's no limit to the number of submissions permitted, but I still couldn't justify entering these:

"Noah wasn't any more fun than you two."
"No one remembers I created awesomeness."
"Stay behind if you like, but this will all be Instagrammable."

October 7, 2022 Update:  The Finalists

November 12, 2022 Update:  The Winner

04048

My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Spring 2022

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for the Spring 2022 issue brings us to Moses up on Mount Sinai receiving a bouquet of flowers from the hand of God. My captions are shown below and for once should be self-explanatory. The drawing is, as usual, by Benjamin Schwartz.

"You remembered Prophet's Day!"
"We should stop with the valentines."
"They're very nice, but my people want a commitment carved in stone."
"Seriously? That's supposed to make us the chosen people?"
"The Israelites want something a little more substantial."

July 16, 2022 Update:  The Finalists

October 7, 2022 Update:  The Winner

03959

My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for September/October 2021

Reveille it ain't. The ram's horn is called a shofar and it is traditionally blown during Jewish synagogue services on Rosh Hashanah and at the end of Yom Kippur. Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for September/October 2021 provides a needed wakeup call. My entries are shown below. The rousing drawing is by Benjamin Schwarz.

"What makes you think it's in tune?"
"It sounds more like a Ricola gadola."
"Does he have to practice every day for a once-a-year gig?"
"He sounds great on the side I can still hear."
"You had to tell him no bagel breakfast until he practices."
"Guess who forgot to take out his hearing aid?"
"Is this what you meant by unconditional love?"

November 21, 2021 Update:  The Finalists

January 30, 2022 Update:  The Winner

(And I voted for it.)

03782

My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Summer 2021

God wearing a Speedo and shades? Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for Summer 2021 takes us away to a divine day at the beach. A diminutive angel appears before God, who is sunbathing with a book. My twenty-four entries are shown below. The relaxed drawing is by Benjamin Schwartz.

"If you know I'm everywhere, why do you come HERE?"
"You know I'm omnipresent, yet you always seek Me here."
"Are you big enough to fetch a nice cold Dr. Brown's?"
"Of course I can recommend a good book."
"What have they done to themselves this time?"
"You know perfectly well what I do on the seventh day."
"Just some light reading until the new Moment comes out."
"It's lonely at the top. Let's keep it that way."
"Lots of folks down here are reading Lucifer."
"You can't just come here every time you forget the wi-fi password."
"The wiser angels call it a chaise longue."
"You're blocking."
"Then why am I paying for your harp lessons?"
"This is why I created New Jersey."
"Ah, you're here to judge the swimsuit competition."
"Then you'll just have to cancel that interview with Moment."
"Go ahead, guess how many grains of sand."
"Shouldn't you be somewhere dancing on the head of a pin?"
"And don't come back without Dylan tickets."
"Your agent misled you. I'm not looking for new Psalms."
"I'd like a bagel of biblical proportions."
"A drachma for your thoughts?"
"You misunderstood. I never said bialys were unholy."
"If there were a multiverse, I'd know a lot more about it than Marvel."

October 15, 2021 Update:  The Finalists

I voted for the caption from Thousand Oaks.

November 21, 2021 Update:  The Winner

03707

My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for Spring 2021

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for Spring 2021 takes us to a board meeting in heaven. Angels are seated around the table. God is the speaker. Unlimited entries are permitted here, but I held the line at eleven, not wishing to put too many words into the Lord's mouth. The drawing is by  Benjamin Schwarz.

"There's been some grumbling that the board has too many dead white men."
"All right, who's got My halo?"
"Say, what if this year we turned a little profit?"
"I see. Does anyone wish to second the motion to dispense with the reading of the Commandments?"
"Everyone else in the cloud is making a bundle."
"The readers of Moment are having a good laugh at our expense."
"Then it's agreed:  no graven images except for cartoons."
"This is not the place to exercise your free will."
"How is it that Satan gets all the best lawyers?"
"If you're all so good, why is half our mail addressed to someone named Clarence?"
"But why aren't we on the cover of Moment?"

June 19, 2021 Update:  The Finalists

October 24, 2021 Update:  The Winner

03602

My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for January/February 2021

Moment magazine's Cartoon Caption Contest for January/February 2021 rings out the old year and rings in the new. It dates from that recent time when we were optimistic that 2021 would be a much better year than 2020. After the storming of the United States Capitol on January 6 and the subsequent second impeachment and trial of Donald Trump, who can say how much better this year will be? Anyway, I submitted two captions, neither of which were my most inspired efforts. The drawing is by Benjamin Schwartz.

“Skip prison. Take him straight to quarantine.”

“Book ‘im, Danna!”

April 18, 2021 Update:  The Finalists

June 19, 2021 Update:  The Winner

03540

My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for November/December 2020

Moment magazine's cartoon caption contest for November/December covers festive meals at both Thanksgiving and...a bagel brunch. I submitted two captions this time around. If I said they were my best efforts, it would at best be half correct. The drawing is by Benjamin Schwartz.

"Sorry, we don't have any mayo."

“You needn’t worry. They’ve given up raiding and now call themselves the Washington Football Team.”

January 5, 2021 Update:  The Finalists

April 18, 2021 Update:  The Winner

03473

My Entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for September/October 2020

I submitted no fewer than fifteen entries in the Moment Cartoon Caption Contest for September/October 2020. I'd like to think that's one for every floor in the building with the elevator drawn by Benjamin Schwartz.

“I don’t require your praise for the elevator music.”

“I can’t fly you home. You’re thinking of Willy Wonka.”

“I’m feeling creative today.”

“The power to heal the cosmos. And what do you have in yours?”

“It’s a common mistake. Father Time always wears an Apple Watch.”

“Sorry, but I never interfere in caption contests.”

“Behold! Now shall I part the doors as once I parted the Red Sea.”

“Do you think you deserve to be carried up or given the shaft?”

“Well, I say it’s all right to wear white after Labor Day.”

“I’m generally benevolent, but sometimes I let loose and press every button.”

"Look, being all-seeing and all-knowing has its ups and downs.”

“Even if I already am everywhere, I still enjoy the ride.”

“No, not Santa Claus. Guess again.”

“You have free will. Pick a floor yourself.”

“I pressed all the buttons because I have to be everywhere.”

November 12, 2020 Update:  The Finalists

January 5, 2021 Update:  The Winner

03438