In The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #932 from the issue of February 10, 2025, two zebras are observed by a lion crouching in the grass. One zebra speaks. The drawing is by Lonnie Millsap.
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| "I'll go get help. You look for a snake in the grass." |
March 8, 2025 Update: I voted for the caption from Corona.
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Here we go again with the CartoonStock Caption Contest #170. Cartoonist Pat Byrnes, the original Captain Dad, gives us a gathering of three zebras on the African plain but one one of them has a different pattern, bricks instead of stripes. By now, you should have the rules of the monthly cash prize contest down pat: five dollars buys up to three entries and no more. Real cash prizes are $500 for first place and $100 for each of five runners up. As of this writing, I've put $75 into the first fifteen pay-to-play contests and this sixteenth one brings my cash outlay up to $80. I won $200 in previous contests, so I'm still playing with the house's money, thank you very much. So few caption writers enter that the odds are actually favorable in aggregate; that is, the contest pays out more than it takes in. If only I could find a lottery like this. My three entries are shown below.
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| "All those Safari vans will jam their brakes." "We don't condone urban camouflage." "Say, you know what you're built like?" |
August 29, 2023 Update: The Winner
Lawrence Wood's caption contest commentary is here. Don't expect to find any of my captions mentioned.
The judges deliberate but, again, not about my captions. The ones they discuss are really far better than anything I came up with:
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| E. Simms Campbell "Why, you darling! I can take this back and exchange it for just what I want!" Esquire, January 1935, page 121 |
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| E. Simms Campbell "He's been that way ever since he went to Oxford[.]" Esquire, February 1935, page 105 |
The worldly bellboy announces the play-by-play.
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| E. Simms Campbell "Why, th' big dummy——th' big greenhorn!" Esquire, January 1935, page 147 |
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| E. Simms Campbell "—and tell 'em this last brandy was lousy[.]" Esquire, February 1935, page 97 |
What a wardrobe malfunction looked like in 1935:
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| E. Simms Campbell "Well, you aren't saying anything——tell me what you think of it[.]" Esquire, February 1935, page 161 |
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E. Simms Campbell
"Thank God I'm a bachelor[.]"
Esquire, March 1935, page 31
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| E. Simms Campbell "Just be calm, Mrs. Marsden—I'll be with you just as soon as I answer the phone[.]" Esquire, March 1935, page 87 |
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| E. Simms Campbell "Y' jush been standin' there all evening—why'ncha grab a girl an' dance?" Esquire, March 1935, page 111 |
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| E. Simms Campbell The Tight Shoe Esquire, March 1935, page 127 |
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E. Simms Campbell
"My deah boy—these simply tear me to pieces!"
Esquire, April 1935, page 75
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E. Simms Campbell
"She ordered it because it had a cute name[.]"
Esquire, April 1935, page 107
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E. Simms Campbell
"Pre-shrunk—bah! I told you to get it half a size larger[.]"
Esquire, April 1935, page 127
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The going rate: |
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| E. Simms Campbell "Young man—if you work any more around here after hours—you're fired!" Esquire, July 1935, page 115 |
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| E. Simms Campbell "—we're going off the air, folks, but remember—send the cardboard wrappers to the Titsa Bitsa Biscuit Company[.]" Esquire, August 1935, page 121 |
I feel the same way about my smart phone: | ||||||
| E. Simms Campbell "We got to go back to the village again—he's forgotten his wrist watch[.]" Esquire, August 1935, page 127
Onward and upward:
Prosperity is just around the corner...
A new relic:
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| E. Simms Campbell ". . . so I said, O. K. Toots—get out and walk then[.]" Esquire, October 1935, page 23 |
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| E. Simms Campbell "Madam, are you in quest of a kick in the pants?" Esquire, 1935, page 24B |
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| E. Simms Campbell "My husband, poor dear—he's working late again[.]" Esquire, 1935, page 54 |
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| E. Simms Campbell "Yes, dear, I know how buyers are—but you will be home this evening?" Esquire, 1935 |
To the Esquire reader, a hazard of working late at the office is receiving a proposition from the cleaning staff. Presenting the woman as lower class and promiscuous is one thing, but her being overweight is supposed to be the joke. Why? Is this an "If only it were someone else" moment? And since when does Psst take an apostrophe?
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| E. Simms Campbell "P'sst[.]" Esquire, 1935, page 112 |
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| E. Simms Campbell "But honey—I can't afford no cloth coat this year!" Esquire, 1935, page 42 |
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| E. Simms Campbell "All right then, Mr. Frisbee—we won't insist on the castor oil[.]" Esquire, 1935, page 98 |
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| E. Simms Campbell "His sister's fer puttin' him in a reform school but I wants him to be near his old man[.]" Esquire, 1935, page 42 |
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| E. Simms Campbell "The Zebra head would look much better over the mantel, dear[.]" Esquire, 1935, page 80 |
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E. Simms Campbell
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| E. Simms Campbell "Aw honey, gee whiz—yuh may never see me again[.]" Esquire, 1935, page 68 |
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E. Simms Campbell
"All they keep sending, sir, is Yale 6, Harvard 0—Yale 6, Harvard 0—"Esquire, 1935, page 68 |
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E. Simms Campbell
"What are you thinking of, my love?" "Mrs. Dionne!"
Esquire, 1935, page 48
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